我只改你的不当,至于文风不改
第三句,because i make a new friend
he comes 不是come ; a single family 不需要 parent
下面的句子 逻辑就有点儿问题了
应该说 几天前 对我来说 他还是个普通朋友,后来发现他很会唱歌 而且很特别 。。。。。 能打动我 鼓励我
a few days agos,he is just an ordinary frient to me.
but now i find that he sings well and his voice is special
然后 你可以说 他又很多 粉丝, 而且 我能感受到他的孤独(ican feel his lonliness, 这是孤独的名词形式)
his voice touches me deeply
其他的 没什么太大的问题
Hello,everybody.I am Puyuhan. This summer is special to me.This is because I know a person.His name is Huachenyu.He is different from others.He come from a single parent family.Not long ago,he is just an ordinary guy.Now, he has many fans.However,I think he is lonely.He is a litte strange.When he sings, he is as if the world belongs to him. His voice can deeply touched me.He is my motivation.I think I have been deeply in love with him.That’s all thank you
Comment;
Not much grammar error
try to use short sentences
avoid sentence that starts with 'because', 'but', 'And'.
Personally, I don't like to use, 'that's all.....'
Hello,everybody.I am Puyuhan. This summer is special to me,because I make friends with a person whose name is Huachenyu.He is different from others.He comes from a single-parent family.He used to be an ordinary guy.But now he has many fans.However,I think he is lonely and a litte strange.When he is singing songs as if the world is his,and his voice can deeply touch me.He is my favorite.I think I have been deeply in love with him.That’s all thank you .