雅思作文求批改 求指导!!!真心感谢！！！！！ 不好意思没财富值了 谢谢

正文：
第一段： more and more -----a growing / an increasing number of
第二段：cultivate ---- be cultivated / acquire
these children are more competitive in such positions as they are familiar with compared with those who do not take paid work.----with those who do not take paid work, these children are more competitive in such positions as they are familiar with.
doing these jobs help ----doing these jobs helps
understand---- understanding
how difficultly it is earned by their parents----how difficultly it is for them to earn money/support a family
so that children could form ----which will make great contributions to forming
第三段：those who do not agree with doing paid work----those who do not agree to do paid work
they should be concentrate ----they should concentrate
they need to play with their partners ---- they are supposed to spend more time with family members
these works ---such work
should not have to burden ----should not have been burdened with (本不应该承受的）
this would not be kind ----it is evidently unfavorable (显然这是不利于）
Not only should be learning skills considered----Not only should learning skills be considered
accounted for---allowed for (考虑到）

It is in this way that society can create a better future for children.----It is in this way that children who take paid jobs can better adapt themselve to the society in their adlut life.(要不要做有偿工作取决于孩子自己，这样写，更显出发挥孩子自己的主观能动性；本来，这个事情就是因人而异的，不能太期待整个社会的改变）

有几个不错的雅思论坛 更专业 比如 太傻超级论坛 无忧雅思网

很好

已发，记得给我财富值！