跪求批改！！写了一篇雅思作文，各位大神帮忙看看能得个几分，要是能给些建议就更感激了~！！

Title：The ever increasing gap between the poor and the rich

Some people say that the gap between the poor and (the) rich is becoming wider. What causes lead to this situation and what measures can be taken to address(solve / ease) the problem?

The high-speed development of modern society benefits citizens in various ways.(,becoming) Becoming a millionaire is not just a dream any more. However, in spite of this, there are still a large number of individuals suffering from poverty. It is not unrealistic that the gap between the rich and the needy is becoming (ever) wider. It is crucial that we analyze the cause(s) of this disturbing issue and explore an effective solution. From my own perspective, the causes are multiple.

On the one hand, the strategies conducted by the authorities should be blamed to some extent. Taking China for an example, the government used to encourage some group to become rich so that (can promote the poor 改为 gap between the poor and rich ) to develop as a consequence. However, as a matter of fact, the rich have gotten away from the poverty, while the poor (suffered more than before 改为 remain poor), which contribute to expand(改为 expanding) this gap even wider.

On the other hand, this phenomenon could be a result from geographic location. For instance, people live in coastal cities are considered much richer than those living in inland areas. The main reason is due to that cities near the ocean have abundant resources and convenient transportation which can lead to the development between different areas. On the contrary, the inland, especially the remote areas lack usable resources and it is more difficult to communicate with other cities,(thus lack the attractions to attract developers and businesses to come to those areas. While the rich areas expand rapidly and these remote inland places lag behind or completely unchanged) (改为,which) that is why many villagers still live in an original society with poor living standard.

This issue should be well taken into consideration. As to how to address(solve / ease) this problem, people put forward various suggestions. The most important approach is that government should take action(s) to improve this situation instead of just paying lip services to it. For instance, establish a completed(去掉ed) tax system. Secondly, local government should invest more money in remote areas rather than building(改为 build) more skyscrapers. Finally, the mass media should encourage to found some charities to help the poor.

I believe with the joint efforts from individuals and government, this issue can be eventually improved.

写得非常之好，文法上不 大要更改，我只替你加上几句，和少少建议，而题目过长，所以我替你另起一个，而把原有题目作为第一开头小段。
很高兴能够帮到你，希望对你有助，并望满意，谢谢。

The high-speed development of modern society benefits citizens in various ways. Becoming a millionaire is not just a dream anymore. However, in spite of this, there are still a large number of individuals suffering from poverty. It is not unrealistic that the gap between the rich and the needy is becoming wider. It is crucial that we analyze the cause of this disturbing issue and explore an effective solution. From my own perspective, the causes are multiple.

On the one hand, the strategies conducted by the authorities should be blamed to some extent. Taking China for an example, the government used to encourage some group to become rich so that(加 it ) can promote the poor to develop as a consequence . However, as a matter of fact, the rich have gotten away from the poverty, while the poor suffered( 改为suffer ) more than before, which contribute to expand( 改为expanding ) this gap even wider.

On the other hand, this phenomenon could be a result from geographic location. For instance, people live(改为living ) in coastal cities are considered much richer than those living in inland areas. The main reason is due to(去掉due to ) that cities near the ocean have abundant resources and convenient transportation which can lead to the development between different areas. On the contrary, the inland, especially the remote areas lack usable resources and it is more difficult to communicate with other cities, that ( 改为which ) is why many villagers still live in an original society with poor living standard.

This issue should be well taken into consideration. As to how to address this problem, people put forward various suggestions. The most important approach is that government should take action(改为actions ) to improve this situation instead of just paying lip services to it. For instance, establish a completed(改为complete ) tax system. Secondly, local government should invest more money in remote areas rather than building (改为build)more skyscrapers. Finally, the mass media should encourage(加people) to found some charities to help the poor.

I believe with the joint efforts from individuals and government, this issue can be eventually improved.

建议你到新东方批改网上提交，是专业的外教批改，对你考试更有帮助，可以评分，但是要花钱。